I’m glad that my cell phone has a camera. There are times when you’re out and about and see something that just needs to be photographed. For example… exibit A:
On the roof of the EN&T building, you can see a giant slingshot made up of a charcoal grill lid, two metal pipes around 10 feet tall, and some serious bungie cord. Why would they install such a thing on the roof of a building? I have a few theories:
Theory #1: Feeding the Poor
It’s possible that they gather the poor unwashed masses around Thanksgiving, assemble them in the parking lot, and fill the grill lid with a full thanksgiving dinner (frozen turkey, pumpkin pie, a 10lb bag of potatoes, etc). Then they lob it from the roof so that one lucky family can have a proper thanksgiving dinner!
Of course, when catching a frozen turkey and cans of Western Family creamed corn traveling at terminal velocity, the odds are that this will be a one time event for you.
Theory #2: Candy Scramble
Another possibility is that they have a candy scramble for the kids during one of the many summer events hosted in this crappy two mule, olive pit of a town.
I can see them loading up the lid with 10 pounds of the cheapest candy that money can buy (most likely horehounds), assemble the young unwashed masses down below, and launch it into the crowd.
The problem with horehounds is… when they get warm, they tend to stick together.
Of course the children won’t care as a meteor of sweetness comes streaking down at them with deadly force. All the kids will be thinking is “OMG! OMG! SUGAR! SUGAR! SUGAR! OMG! SUGAR! SUGAR! OMG!”
For those who have never seen a candy scramble, let me explain: you toss candy into a throbbing mass of pre-pubescent adolescents and watch them go into a greedy frenzy, with no thought or care for anything else around them. Kind of like when Yoda went all Crazy Frog on crack against Count Duku in Star Wars.
Theory #3: Pink Slip Ahoy!
Perhaps this theory makes the most sense. With today’s economic times being what they are, the slingshot is used primarily for escorting the recently terminated off the premises. It’s quick, it’s easy, and damn it all… it’s fun! I’d imagine it would go something like this:
“Sorry Bob, but you’re fired”
“Fired? But what did I dooooooooooooooooooooooo……”
Anyone else have an idea? I’d love to hear it!