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Oddness abounds!

June 01, 2009 By: bio Category: General

I’m glad that my cell phone has a camera.  There are times when you’re out and about and see something that just needs to be photographed.  For example… exibit A:

A huge slingshot on top of a building

On the roof of the EN&T building, you can see a giant slingshot made up of a charcoal grill lid, two metal pipes around 10 feet tall, and some serious bungie cord.  Why would they install such a thing on the roof of a building?  I have a few theories:

Theory #1: Feeding the Poor

It’s possible that they gather the poor unwashed masses around Thanksgiving, assemble them in the parking lot, and fill the grill  lid with a full thanksgiving dinner (frozen turkey, pumpkin pie, a 10lb bag of potatoes, etc).  Then they lob it from the roof so that one lucky family can have a proper thanksgiving dinner!

Frozen turkey + terminal velocity = death

Of course, when catching a frozen turkey and cans of Western Family creamed corn traveling at terminal velocity, the odds are that this will be a one time event for you.

Theory #2: Candy Scramble

Candy ScrambleAnother possibility is that they have a candy scramble for the kids during one of the many summer events hosted in this crappy two mule, olive pit of a town.

I can see them loading up the lid with 10 pounds of the cheapest candy that money can buy (most likely horehounds), assemble the young unwashed masses down below, and launch it into the crowd.

The problem with horehounds is… when they get warm, they tend to stick together.

Of course the children won’t care as a meteor of sweetness comes streaking down at them with deadly force.  All the kids will be thinking is “OMG! OMG! SUGAR! SUGAR! SUGAR! OMG! SUGAR! SUGAR! OMG!”

For those who have never seen a candy scramble, let me explain: you toss candy into a throbbing mass of pre-pubescent adolescents and watch them go into a greedy frenzy, with no thought or care for anything else around them.  Kind of like when Yoda went all Crazy Frog on crack against Count Duku in Star Wars.

Crazy Frog + Crack Rock = Yoda

Theory #3: Pink Slip Ahoy!

Perhaps this theory makes the most sense.  With today’s economic times being what they are, the slingshot is used primarily for escorting the recently terminated off the premises.  It’s quick, it’s easy, and damn it all… it’s fun!  I’d imagine it would go something like this:

“Sorry Bob, but you’re fired”

“Fired?  But what did I dooooooooooooooooooooooo……

*thud*

Anyone else have an idea?  I’d love to hear it!

An open letter to Ann Coulter

May 27, 2009 By: bio Category: General

Dear Ann,

SHUT THE HELL UP!!!!!!!

Sincerely,

WWBD

Ann Coulter

We’re baaaaaaack!!!!

May 27, 2009 By: bio Category: General

After nearly 3 years of hiding, WWBD is back with a vengeance!

“Why were we away” you ask… well, things had gotten decidedly un-funny, and fun is what we’re all about here at WWBD!

So, after 3 years of sitting on the couch in a dirty undershirt, watching porn and eating cheeto’s (and wondering why our willy’s were orange)… the decision was made to get off of our collective butts and hit the site once again.

The site will be updated every 2 weeks or so from now on (more or less… you may get less).

Hopefully… it won’t suck :-)

Good night and sweet dreams

September 27, 2006 By: bio Category: General

Whitewomanblackdog.com - Rest in peace

It’s time to put it to bed.

I’ve been running this website in one form or another since 1995. It began as “Tone Def’s Ultra Cool Homepage in Amazing 2D” (which looked horrible, but was hand coded with love and inexperience). Then it became “Bioland” and was hosted by the kids at freshmet.net (who forgot to renew their domain name and some Korean bitch-wad grabbed it out from under them… I think it’s still for sale if you have way too much money). Then finally, in 1999, it became White Woman Black Dog.

How the names came to be

The names “Bioland” and “White Woman Black Dog” both came from interactions with my brother, Joe.

He had hemophilia and always had sharps containers around his house (for disposing of the needles he used to inject himself with clotting factor). One day, as I walked through his house, I noted that he had about 8 of them sitting out. I said “I hereby dub your house ‘Bio-Land’!” and then did some goofy dance. It amused him, and eventually ended up being my online name.

“White Woman Black Dog”, on the other hand, comes from something slightly shadier.

There was a bachelor party, and they blind-folded the groom, took him into an adult novelty shop, and started handing him things to identify by touch (the groom didn’t know where they took him… but it didn’t take long to figure out” My brother was telling me about the various implements of destruction they had there. “Dude… that had to be a floor sculpture! No one could use that thing!!”. He also talked about the magazines they sold. “They had everything… butt sex, oral sex, white woman black dog, you name it!!”. Of course, it was much funnier with his hand gestures, but you get my drift.

Sadly, my brother passed away before the internet became available.

Why the site is going down

I haven’t actually done anything of value with this site for the past couple of years (and the few years before that I was just faking it). I’m just out of ideas for now, and posting a “I’m done” message is a lot easier than dealing with e-mails saying “why don’t you post more?”. Perhaps something will drive me to re-open things and start anew, but I’m not feeling that right now. Right now, I need a rest.

A few final words

I just wanted to take a moment to thank the millions and millions of people who came by to check the place out over the years. I’m especially thankful to the thousands and thousands of people who came here who weren’t trying to search for animal porn. Oh… and a big WWBD “Fuck You!” to the myspace, livejournal, and blogspot users who can’t seem to grasp the concept that hotlinking is bad.

Special thanks to Eve at grumpyoldwoman.net. Without her, this site would have probably died a long time ago.

Yup…. I never post

September 07, 2006 By: bio Category: General

I know, I’ve been very lax on posting.

I maintain another blog (which is updated pretty damn often) and moderate a fairly spiffy forum (again, posting a lot… I’m a regular chatty bitch there), but never seem to find the time to keep this site up to date.

My bad.

The idea behind this site was to fill it with my angst. Instead, it seems to be catching all my apathy.

I’ll have to do something about that… listen to some Linkin Park, read more news stories about Paris Hilton, or follow along with the crazy and wacky antics of our lovely President.

Well, the Linkin Park part doesn’t sound too bad, but reading about a skanky two dollar whore or following along with a lying moron with dreams of grandeur who’s driven our country into the dirt has just become tiresome (at least I’m still opinionated).

So.. until I think of something clever or witty (or not) to post, I leave you with this tasty news story (complete with a photo of an x-ray). Prisoners Smuggle Cell Phones (can you hear me now?)